Battleground of Relationships

On a hot afternoon in Coleman, Texas, a family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a 50-mile trip to Abilene for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time." The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad as the drive. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted. One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it?" The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored. The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.  This story is what management expert Jerry Harvey, termed as the Abilene Paradox, to explain why groups of people end up achieving outcomes which none of them wanted in the first place. The story is also reflective of the quintessential Bhaaratiya family and by extension, society. Though it is a paradox, this very concept of valuing emotions of the rest of the family members/society has held us, as a generic society, in good stead for a very long time. Thus, because we (barring exceptions here or there) are conditioned in a way to take 'one', 'two', 'three' and more for the team, we have refrained from getting into controversial or confrontational emotional scenarios at home or at work.