We the Rapists....

Disclaimer: Friends, there have been extremely emotional responses vis-a-vis the latest gang-rape incident in Delhi. The blog is based on it but no particular incident has been earmarked as the foundation of this blog. The details and personalities will vary and have no connection to real life people. The views presented are to be seen in a general light and not case specific unless otherwise mentioned. As any person will be, I was pained too to hear what had happened. The attempt of this blog is not to condemn or criticize - may it be the criminals, the government, the police, the media or us fellow citizens. The purpose of this blog is to make a few statements and ask a few questions; I will call it thought provocation because as an individual, as a patriot, as a living being, (I am careful enough not to be arrogant and say "as a human being" for I have received ample proof that animals are more capable of love, mercy and compassion - which I guess Derek O' Brien disagrees with!) I am merely requesting my fellow countrymen to think over these statements in a hope that these statements and their subsequent follow-ups will help the readers as they have helped me. My intention is not to hurt any sentiments involved but to ask a few blunt questions which need not be answered publicly because I believe that those answers work best which are directed to the self's soul.

I find Ratna Kapur's article in The Hindu as one of the best as far as this incident is concerned.

Rape is defined as "to destroy and strip of a possession"; the blog is my take on what has been raped, who has been raped and who exactly have raped.

Story 1:

Four year old Shraddha wakes up as she hears a noise in the deepest darkest corner of her home in Lucknow; she checks her watch and it is 2 am in the morning. She is about to get up and check, when her mother senses her awake. The mother awakens Shraddha's father and asks him to check the source of the noise; "Papa will check the disturbance, sweetie" she says, "It is dark there...."

A year later, her mother gives birth to a baby boy; everyone in the family is happy! Her grandmother walks up to her parents and with immense happiness on her face says, "Now the two of you have become real parents...."

The family has now shifted to a new home with better amenities as parents are busy in their work to gift their children the best of a luxurious life. A Puja is scheduled for the new house but Shraddha is sent away to her maternal uncle's place - social custom to banish a woman undergoing her menstrual cycles.

As a normal girl, she falls for a boy in her class; both of them start dating - Shraddha has always been treated as a crystal goddess by her parents; she has always been protected from anything and everything! Her boyfriend Vinay continues to adore and cherish her; he is chivalrous and loving. He pampers her with gifts and affection never doing anything against her wishes.

Story 2:

Vidya and Shirish, both 18, are the best of friends. They have been together since childhood and now attend the same college in Kolkata. If anything ever goes wrong, or whenever Vidya is in distress the first call goes to Shirish. She playfully pulls his cheeks or pats him on the head with fun during light times. She wants him to comfort her when she is feeling sad. One day Shirish wonders whether there is more to it than meets the eye. He is attracted to Vidya and hence asks her out. Vidya is livid; she always thought Shirish to be a friend but by harbouring such thoughts, he has broken her heart and let her down. She condemns him for misreading her actions, embarrasses him in their friend circle and banishes him for life.

Story 3:

Thirty years of age, Inspector Khan returns to his small home in the old part of Hyderabad, from work one day; he has many cuts and bruises on his face and is bleeding profusely. His shocked wife rushes to tend to him. Khan was working on a rape case where proactively he had encouraged the victim, Reema to file a report against the rich, well-connected builder's young son. Today, amid pressure from her parents and society, Reema had withdrawn her statement; she has further gone on to file a report against Khan himself for taking advantage of her during her difficult times and the rich builder's goons and women organizations had beaten up Insp. Khan in a free for all. As the silent night chugged along, with rain drops acting as witness, Khan vowed never to suo-moto encourage a victim to fight against his/her tormentor. Let destiny take its course.

Story 4:

In the happening economic capital Mumbai, an old couple call on their only son to speak about their grand-daughter Chinmayee. "She came home late yesterday, son; We think she was smoking and having alcohol! Look at the the friends she was with - they were speaking of some pub at Marines. Are you sure everything is fine?" The son wards them off - "She is the daughter of the most powerful broker in Mumbai! She has to have fun in her life - everything is fine!"

Story 5:

15 year old Hemant is an athlete. A strong sportsman and a bright student having represented Indore, Madhya Pradesh in the state Table Tennis championships. Travelling for his next tournament, his team-mates are talking about sex and women during the train journey. The inquisitive child in him seeks his orthodox father for knowledge regarding the latest comments he had heard on the train; "Go away you Idiot!" his father screams, "Don't talk about such dirty topics!"

Every story speaks of certain deep-rooted aspects of our social fabric. Story 1 speaks about the constant conditioning of fear and in-equality that is bred in our system. On one hand, women have an equal say - they can compete, venture and win without us as a society ever wondering how to balance the now created shift in a householder's life. On the other hand, throughout childhood, daughters have been treated as if made of glass - the iron never allowed to heat so that it becomes steel one day! And maybe somewhere between, they have been treated as untouchables too; Story 2 speaks about the huge gap in understanding man-woman psychology by the opposite sex. (both ways) A woman communicates through words and a man through touch; just as the most intense and deepest of emotions of a woman are expressed through intense and deepest of words, so is the case with a man as far as touch is concerned. Unless clarified, seeking comfort from a man can have far reaching effects on him leading to terrible misunderstandings. We speak of signals, most of the times they go wrong! Story 3 speaks of a valiant police officer who is now condemned by the media of being insensitive to rape cases; he has been reduced to rubble and his seniors will make a scape-goat out of him soon enough! Story 4 speaks of a foundation for a woman to be raped; then the society will come out all guns blazing before even stopping to wonder the answer to the question, "why?" Story 5 speaks of our traditional taboo called "sex"; it is dirty and filthy! The most important aspect of any relation created by the Almighty and the best adjective one can find is "dirty"! Sexual Education is a farce we believe; we criticize the west for their high-handed attitude towards teen-sex and all the parties we see or hear about; or maybe all the assumptions we have built into our beings from movies like the American Pie - at least they are educated before getting into it. We have left it to the mercy of experimentation, drug and alcohol abuse & a batch of crazy friends who "wanna party till they be wasted"!

Why am I talking of all this when it so god-damn convenient and easy to call for the hanging of the criminals in the latest case of the Delhi gang-rape? I have always maintained that no effect is there without a cause; no existence without purpose and no conclusion without a reason. No doubt the act was barbaric; No doubt that the criminals deserve a severe and swift punishment even capital for that matter or castration too - the court should decide that but can we stop to think what went wrong? The five stories are a depiction of our society - not the so-called economically backward society but the vast ocean of middle class, traditional households. This is the reality - the ugly truth! Would killing a patient cure the disease? Do the seeds of crime (crime against women as far as this blog is concerned) lay sown 50 years back? or more, or less? Manifestation of an ideology is a symptom; where are the roots? The very roots which ground us to our culture, our values - are they going rogue? Is the rapist the only criminal? Are men/women who breed fear, anxiety, intolerance, indiscipline and dishonesty (like depicted in the stories) culprits too? Should they all be tried? Should they all be hanged? Should they all be castrated? Where will the buck start and where does the buck stop? Have we respected our instincts and desires? Have we learnt to understand them and restrain them as fit or have we tried to escape from them? How much have our family structures been disturbed due to work or pleasure? How many girls have been killed as fetuses? If not killed, has that thought gained access in the minds of parents, relatives etc? How many couples have given birth to a baby boy just because their first child was a girl? How many couples have given birth to children just because they should have someone to take care of them when old? How many do actually rush to put out fires when others homes' catch fire or avoid the trouble because of police, of government? We will refuse to wait a round at the traffic signal and then curse the government for not having strong rules and regulations; we will ask for transparent processes, but refuse to be transparent ourselves. We ask for swift trials and quick police action - how many parents support their sons/daughters if the latter were to seek a judicial/bureaucratic/political career path? Who will dole out justice, if the machinery is understaffed or under-qualified? How can a 57 thousand force handle a 16.7 million metro and prevent every crime, if the citizens themselves train criminals for decades? Isn't the attitude, "We will keep making things dirty; your job is to clean - keep cleaning" selfish and insensitive? Are we willing to accept a girl going through rape and welcome her instead of blaming her for the whole scenario?

I believe I had made the mistake of unknowingly supporting promotion of weakness in women on two separate occasions nearly 6 years back; I have realized it is very difficult and testing to access that knowledge and decipher such tricky codes of life. That does not make me a criminal, for once realized I have worked towards a rectification. I realize how harmful it can be and hence now I refuse to accept that women are weak and they need protection; I refuse to accept that strength is in the body - it is the mind. I refuse to encourage false pampering of my sisters, of my lady friends; I refuse to support the concept of chivalry - for it has bred weakness and hypocrisy for too long. In a culture which worships the Goddess Durga, how can a woman be weak? Weakness is a perception - a dissonance between thought, action and reality; weakness is death. Unless the core internal issue is addressed, no short term solutions like capital punishment would produce solutions alone without a concrete executable plan of upheaval in the societal fabric for the long term; and the core issue, is a self-project - a self check and a self disciplined one too! Simply put, I would continue to be rather misunderstood as a chauvinist or a sexist rather than feeding fear and weakness - because they are the roots! Hacking at the relatively inconsequential branches called criminals will not stop crimes given the relentless nature of evil! As always said by Lord Krishna, the answer lies within - it is discovery of that knowledge which will lead you towards your goal!

Jai Hind!